We Are All Dying

Sori, tekstiä pukkaa nykyään englanniks... Seuraava novelli on suomeks, lupaan sen. 

Tässä on paljo kirjotusvirheitä, koska mun englanti ei oo parasta mahollista. Toivon että saatte siitä kuitenki selvää. Kritiikkiä saa antaa.

We Are All Dying

We are all dying. Some of us are dying faster than the others. But we all, with no exceptions, are dying. Some people might find this depressing. To some people, it gives strength. No matter if you are healthy or badly sick. We are dying day by day. An hour by hour. On every second we are dying. There is no way to escape this truth. There is no other way than facing it. If we ignore it, we only cause harm for ourselves and our dear ones.

 I thought I was special. I thought I was one of the few people who were dying. But I wasn’t. I am not special in that way. I am just dying faster than some other people. I got a diagnosis of my cancer a few years ago. I was shocked, of course, as I got to know that I would die. That was a silly thought, because we will all die. I just didn’t think of it that way by then.

 I have grown as a human. I understand now that cancer-kids are not any different than healthy kids. You can never know when you will die. You might die tomorrow. If there is two kids – a cancer kid and a healthy kid – you can’t know which one of them will die first. It might be that the cancer kid will die tomorrow to her cancer. Or it might be that the healthy kid will get into a car-accident tonight. We can’t know.

 Treating “dying cancer kids” differently than healthy kids is kind of unfear. Of course this is only my opinion. It is understandable that cancer kids get more attention with their fatal disease, but healthy kids will die too. Healthy people will die too. We will all die.

  But perhaps I should now move to my story. My story… It is full of surgeries and doctor’s appointments. I won’t talk about my cancer, no. I will talk about my story. The story of my life is actually not much different from my friends. Except for the hospital visits. My story is just like anyone else’s – it is a story about dying day by day.

 I wasn’t such a good student in school. After my diagnosis it didn’t really matter, because my teachers pity me. Even if I skipped testes they wouldn’t say anything because “I was having hard times”. I did use this for my own good. I skipped classes so I could go out with my friends. I was actually a pretty bad kid. I didn’t smoke, no. My cancer didn’t allow it. But I did drink sometimes. Not every weekend, but sometimes.

 I remember one time I was outside with my friends. We went to a little harbour. It was our favourite place to spend time. We were sitting on the platform when the oldest one of us asked if anyone wanted to drink. He was Bryan, already eighteen-years-old. There was only six of us, and most of us were under aged. I was fifteen that time. My best friend, Milan, was sixteen. There was also Michael, Rose and       Dylan. Dylan was also sixteen, but Rose was seventeen and Michael eighteen.

 So Bryan and Michael walked back to Bryan’s car, as they wanted something to drink. I didn’t get my own bottle that time, but I could taste from my friends. They were kind of taking care of me, as I was the youngest one, and a cancer kid. My parents didn’t know they drink, but it doesn’t really matter.

 So the rest four of us were just sitting on the platform. We were looking at the waves, when Dylan suddenly said: “I wonder how it feels to be dying”. Milan slapped him quite hardly, as she thought I would get hurt of that little sentence. I grabbed Milan’s hand and said: “Hey, it’s cool. I don’t care”. Milan looked at me for a little while with her hazel-eyes. She nodded and I let her hand go. I looked at Dylan. He had brown hair and black eyes. I liked to look into his eyes, as they were so deep. “Dylan… It feels like you are already dead. I mean, I’m just waiting for the day when my lungs stop working entirely”.

 Dylan didn’t say anything, which is not a surprise. He just looked into the black water quietly. I let myself think of it from someone else’s point of view. I mean, it must feel hard for my friends that I am dying. I indeed was the youngest one. Maybe it annoys them sometimes, as they can’t do all cool stuff because of me. But did they really care? Did they care about me, or were they spending time with me because of pity? I honestly didn’t want to answer those questions.

 Bryan and Michael came back pretty soon. They bought some beer. Actually they bought a six-pack, but I still didn’t get my own bottle. Milan let me taste from her bottle, so I took a sup. Alcohol didn’t usually make us super criminals. We drank only one bottle for fun. Dylan drank faster than others, so he asked if he could get the extra bottle. Bryan and Michael were okay with it, so he took it.

 After a little while Dylan started to hum. It was one sad melody from an opera. He stood up and walked around the platform. He finished his beer with a big sup and threw the bottle to the water. We didn’t react in any way. We should have. Dylan walked further, all the way to the end of the platform. He sang loudly: “I look into the sea, so lonely”. Michael stood up and started to walk to Dylan.

“I look into the sea, deep down”, Dylan continued. Michael was on the half way of the platform when Dylan sang: “I am in the sea, death found me”. Dylan jumped down to the water. “Dylan!” Michael shouted and ran after him. At the end of the platform Michael jumped after Dylan to the black water.

“Oh my god!” Milan screamed. She stood up and ran after boys. I was shocked. I couldn’t breathe. Bryan’s blue eyes were wide opened. He stood up and ran. Rose looked at me. She was white. Her grey eyes were full of fear. “It’s ok Autumn, it’s ok”, she said. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to breathe through my nose, but I just couldn’t catch my breath. I saw Michael come up, alone. “Dylan! Dylan!” Milan shouted to the water. Michel took breath and dived again.

 I passed out. The next thing I remember is hospital. I was laying on my hospital bed when my parents ran in the room. “Are you okay sweety?” my mom asked. I was too weak to speak, so I nodded. I wasn’t okay. But I couldn’t tell that to my parents. I couldn’t tell them that my friends were drinking and one of them jumped into water trying to kill himself.

 Only family members were allowed in my room, so my parents told me that my friends were outside. They told me what happened. I mean, they didn’t know my friends were drinking, but they told me what happened after I passed out. Michael couldn’t find Dylan from the water. Rose called an ambulance for me and for Dylan. I had been unconscious for a day. Police hasn’t find Dylan’s body from the ocean. He was just gone.

Some time after Dylan’s death, the left of us went back to the harbour. Bryan had lit a candle to the end of the platform. We sat down and looked into the black sea. Dylan was our good friend. But still, none of us knew why he killed himself. His parents didn’t know. His friends didn’t know. Nobody knew why he did it. There was nothing. Not a note, no diary. Nothing. He was just all of the sudden dead, with no explanation. It was hard time for all of us. We had known Dylan for years. Michael knew him the longest. They had always been friends. They were like brothers. Two brown haired guys with black eyes. I actually thought they were real brothers when I first met them.

That was my first touch to death. It changed me. I spent more time at home, alone in my room. I thought a lot. Maybe too much. My parent’s didn’t bother me. They left me alone, thinking it would be better than forcing me to go outside. So I stayed in my room.

 My friends reacted differently. One night Bryan got drunk. He was at the harbour with Michael, drinking and trying to forget. I don’t know why he tried to forget. It would have been easier to except it and just live with it. But no… Bryan got drunk. He got angry at himself. He just all of a sudden decided to leave. “I’m going back home”, he said to Michael. “No”, Michael said, “I will drive you home. You are too drunk”. Bryan got angry, and pushed Michael down to the water. Michael disappeared into the water. Bryan ran back to his car. He sat down on the front seat, but didn’t drive until he saw Michael coming up from the water. Michael was wet and cold, because it was already October. He ran after Bryan, but he wasn’t fast enough. Bryan drew away, too fast and too carelessly. He got into a car accident.

 Bryan was lucky because he didn’t die. He got a crack on his skull, but he survived. He also broke his left leg and a couple of ribs. He was in the hospital for a month. But he was indeed lucky that he didn’t die. The other car, which he crashed, didn’t get so bad damage. The driver hit his head, but he was okay.

  Michael changed the most. He became quiet. Before he was joking all the time, but after Dylan’s suicide he was always quiet. I wonder what he thought on those times. Michael broke up with his girlfriend, which was not a surprise. He went to the harbour very often. Sometimes he took his guitar with him and played some songs that Dylan used to listen. We were all very worried about Michael.

 One day I went to the harbour. Michael was already sitting alone at the end of the platform. I walked all the way, carrying my oxygen tank on my back as it was too difficult to pull after me. It was the end of October. The wind was very cold and hard. I wanted to turn back, go back home and sit alone in my room. But I couldn’t leave Michael alone.

I sat down next to Michael. “Hey”, I said. He nodded. “How are you feeling?” I asked. He was looking down to the black water. “I’m ok. I guess…” he answered after a little while. His voice was deep and soft. I had always liked it. He turned his face to me and looked into my eyes. “What about you?” he asked. I sighed. I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him that I felt bad as hell. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him, as he was feeling probably even worse. “I’m ok”, I said. He nodded. I knew he knew I wasn’t okay.

 We were both quiet for a long time. Dylan died right there. Right under our feet. Deep, deep in the water. “How did it feel?” I asked. Michael looked at me. “Huh?” he asked. I sighed deeply. I turned to Michael and said: “I mean, how did it feel to jump after him?” Michael closed his eyes. He shook his head. “It was terrible”, he said, “The water was cold as hell. It was so dark I couldn’t see him. I almost drowned by myself. It was just terrible. I swam and swam but I just couldn’t find him”.

 I nodded. I couldn’t imagine how it felt. I was kind of happy I passed out. I wouldn’t want to see Michael’s face when he got up from the water. I wouldn’t want to see that Dylan never came up from the water. He is still there. Police didn’t see it necessary to keep the area on sight, as the harbour was no longer in use. It was just a place for teenagers. Police did search for Dylan at day time, but in the evening the place was empty. Except for Michael.

 I moved closer to Michael, as the evening was getting colder. “Do you feel cold?” Michael asked me. I nodded. Michael put his hands around me. I smiled at him. It was the first time I smiled after Dylan’s death. Michael looked into my eyes and wishpered: “You have so beautiful eyes, Autumn”. I smiled even wider.

“I have kinda always liked you, Michael”, I wishpered. Michael smiled at me. He came closer to me. I put my arms around him. There we were, sitting at the end of the platform, in the wind and coldness. “I love you Autumn”, Michael wishpered. “I love you, Michael”, I answered.

 I could say we started dating. Our age wasn’t such a problem, as I turned to sixteen on November. I mostly went at his house. We watched movies and listened to music. Michael’s parents were happy that I kept company for their son. And my parents were happy I wasn’t such a lonely, depressed cancer kid anymore. I was more like almost happy cancer kid. And that seemed to be enough for my parents.

 Michael and I had a lot of fun sometimes. We did invite Rose, Milan and Bryan too, but mostly we were just alone. We didn’t go to the harbour anymore. Instead, we spent a lot of time in an abandoned carpet factory. It was a nice place to spend time. When all five of us were together, we used to tell horror stories and rumors.

 After the first snow of that winter fell, in the end of November, we all went to the harbour. We lit a candle for Dylan. Milan threw a rose in the water. It remain on the surface of the black water. We watched it float further from us. I walked away. I turned around and took a deep breath from my cannula. The platform was slippery from ice and snow. Michael walked just after me. He held my hand. “Are you ok?” he asked. I shook my head. I wasn’t ok. It was painful to go to the place where a good friend had killed himself. My lungs were hurting as hell and the cold air only made it worse. Michael put his hands around me and lifted me up. “Hey!” I screamed. He laughed and carried me all the way to his car. He put me down on the front seat and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “How about some Christmas shopping?” he asked.

 We drove to a mall. It was full of people. All the Christmas decorations looked a little annoying. Christmas songs were playing in the mall. The atmosphere was full of waiting. We walked across the mall, holding hands. People looked at us, or mostly me.

 It took long from us to find gifts for our friends and family. We spent more than two hours in the mall. Every once in a while I needed to sit down. It felt terrible that I couldn’t breathe well. I hate the feeling. But there is nothing I could do about it. I just have to live with it.

 Michael drove me back home. He walked me all the way to our front door. He took my face on his hands and looked me into my eyes. He shook his head with a beautiful grin on his face. He gave me a kiss on my forehead and said: “I love you, Autumn”. I smiled to him and whispered: “I love you even more”. He gave me a big hug.

 I asked him to come in for a while, but he said that he has to go back home. I nodded and opened the door. I smiled to him. “See you tomorrow”, I said before entering my home. My dog, Fluffy ran to me as I closed the door after me. I dropped all the bags on the floor and let Fluffy lick my face. Fluffy is a husky. Very cute boy. He ran around me so happily. I love Fluffy. He is my best friend, right after Milan. Fluffy always sleeps next to me. And if I am not home, he will cry in front of the door of my room. He loves me, I guess.

 I went in my room. Fluffy followed me all the way to my bed. I lied down taking a deep breath from my cannula. I let myself think. I thought of how different this world would be without me. How it would change my family, my friends. It won’t change the whole world. But it would change my parents’ world. They knew it would happen. They knew I didn’t have much time left. I thought of how my funeral would go. My friends and family in black. My body in a coffin. My pale skin. The tears on my parents’ face. Would they miss me? Would they remember me?

I celebrated Christmas with my parents. Michael was at our home on the Christmas Eve, but he stayed with his family on Christmas day.  We decorated the Christmas tree together. We ate ginger breads and drank hot chocolate. It was dark outside. White snow was slowly falling down from the black sky. It was so peaceful. I loved it. Michael gave me his present. He gave me a book. Actually my favourite author’s latest book. I gave Michael my gift. I gave him the latest video game that he so hard wanted.

 A few days after Christmas my cancer got worse. My lungs filled up with water, and I couldn’t breathe. My parents took me to hospital. I couldn’t breathe at all, and I was feeling like passing out. My parents were really freaked out. Eventually I did pass out, on my father’s arms. Doctors and nurses empty my lungs, but it didn’t help. I fell into coma.

 I was in a coma for a week. My parents were worried as hell. They barely left the hospital. Michael got worse. He locked himself in his room. They were all waiting that I would die. But I didn’t. On my seventh day of coma, I started hearing voices. I heard my parents talking, I heard nurses talking. I could hear my mother crying. Late at night I fully woke up. I opened my eyes, and the first thing I saw was my mother. “Mom…” I wishpered. Mother looked at me and sighed. She called the nurses in.

 I got out of the hospital a few days later. Michael was already waiting at our home, sitting outside in the cold weather. He gave me a big hug and a huge kiss on my forehead. “I was worried as hell”, he said. I knew he was. I was afraid of what Michael would do when I die. He was assuming I would die in the hospital, but I didn’t. I smiled to him. “Missed you babe”, I said as happily as I could. He smiled to me. I could see the worry in his eyes. I loved him, I really did. And I knew he loved me.

 That’s pretty much my story until now. It is just as anyone else’s story. Michael and I are still together. My cancer is remaining the same. But I am not thinking the same way anymore. I know now that we are all dying. I am dying, my parents are dying, Michael is dying. It is a part of our lives. I am trying to make sure I won’t waste my life.

-Emmi

The Beauty Of a Soul

Mä oon jo pitempään kääntäny mun novelleja suomesta englanniksi, kun mulla on paljon ulkomaalasia kavereita, jotka on kiinnostuneita mun novelleista. Eilen mä aattelin, et voisin kirjottaa yhen novellin ihan pelkästää englanniks. Mä en tiedä kuinka huonoo mun englanninkielen taidot on, mutta toivottavasti siitä saa jotain selvää. Enjoy.

The Beauty Of a Soul

Life is complicated. Sometimes it brings beautiful things in front of us. Sometimes we suffer. Life is so beautiful, and yet so unpredictable. Sometimes I wonder how people can live with such complicated rules. Once I saw a girl, who made me wonder, how people really see their lives by their own eyes.

This girl’s name was Sophie. She was full of questions, but the questions didn’t bother her.  She lived her life fully, if we can say so. Sophie was young. Not like others her age, but her mind was young as little child’s. Sophie had golden hair and big, wondering, green eyes. Sophie was not tall, but not short either. She was normal, if it is not unforgivable to describe her so.

One day Sophie was walking down a street, trying to reach home before dark. The streets were empty. It was getting dark. Sun had set many hours ago. Sophie knew she was late. She wasn’t supposed to be out so late. But she had to get home, so she walked as fast as she could.

Somewhere far behind was a man. The man was holding a gun. He was looking for a victim. The men like him are not like others. They disfigure their way of thinking, so it would be easier to kill people to get money for living. And yet this man was like anyone else. He had a heart. But he decided not to listen to the little voice whispering inside him. He was deaf to love and compassion. He didn’t see Sophie, until she coughed silently. The man smiled. He has found a victim. A victim, that would make him rich. People gets always the most money from young victims. The man started to run towards Sophie. Sophie didn’t hear him, until the man breathed on her neck.

“I found you”, the man whispered. Sophie sighed frightendly. The man held his gun on Sophie’s temple. Sophie was in shock.  She screamed, but the man covered her mouth. Sophie hit the man on his stomach, and ran. She ran as fast as she could. The man fell on the ground. He raised his gun and shot. The bullet pierced Sophie’s hip. Sophie fell on the ground. The street was full of blood.

Sophie woke up on my lap. “Where am I?” was her first question. “Where do you want to be?” I answered with a question. Sophie was quiet for a while. “Safe”, she whispered. Her innocence touched my heart. She was young, and she trusted me. Sophie lifted herself up. “I can’t feel any pain on my hip”, she wondered. “Of course not”, I answered. Sophie looked at me with no fear in her eyes. “Who are you?” she asked me. I smiled at her wondering face. “I am your guardian angel”.

“But you are a tiger”, she said. “Can’t tigers be guardian angels?” I asked. Sophie looked down, thinking. “I think yes”, she said. She smiled at me and stood up. “Why am I here?” Sophie asked. I didn’t answer.

“Come, I want to show you something”, I said kindly. Sophie walked behind me in pure emptiness. There was nothing around us. No colors, no shapes. No shadows, no light. It was empty. I stopped in front of a little cloud. The cloud was the only thing in this emptiness, besides us. The clouds surrounded us. Above us appeared a little whole. It was empty, until a little girl’s face appeared there.

“That’s me”, Sophie whispered. The little girl in the picture grew up. She looked more like a child by every second that flew by. Her eyes didn’t get serious. Her smile didn’t get sadder. Her hair got more golden all the time. But one thing was not good with the girl. Around her was all the time sisters and brothers and her parents. But the older that she got, the less family members was with her. Sophie’s face got serious for the first time in long time. She turned her head of the picture.

“Am I dead?” she asked me. She didn’t look at me. Her golden hair was on two, curly braids. “If you want to be”, I answered. Sophie tensed all of her muscles. “I miss my family”, she said pain in her voice. A little teardrop flowed down her red cheek. She turned around, showing me her sad face. “I miss them so much”, she cried.

“I know my child”, I said, “They are always with you”. I turned to right, and there, behind the clouds, was standing her family. “Ma”, Sophie whispered, ”Pa. You are here!” Sophie ran to her mother’s embrace. She cried. But not because of sadness. But because of love. Sophie’s mother kissed her forehead. “I love you ma”, Sophie whispered. Her mother didn’t say anything. Sophie took a step behind and looked into her mother’s eyes. “Never leave me ma”, she said. Her mother noded and let her daughter go.

Sophie walked back to me, knowing that it was time to make her decision. “I don’t want to die yet”, she said calmly. “Are you sure my child?” I asked her. She noded. And so we walked away. We walked in the emptiness. The clouds left behind. Sophie touched my fur. “It’s like silk”, she whispered. “Are you always with me?” she suddenly asked. Her mind was full of questions. She was innocent as an angel. “Always”, I said.

We came in front of a door. The door didn’t have a shape. It was a door to life. Sophie looked into my eyes. She touched my head with her soft hands and gave me a kiss on my forehead. She smiled peacefully and stepped in the doorway. She didn’t look behind. She was sure she wanted to live her life fully, as she had until that extraordinary day. I looked behind her. And I was sure she would make her life matter.

Ookkei, tässä välissä saatte nautiskella hieman äidinkielentuntien tuotoksista. :)

Tehtävänanto: Kirjoita kuviteltu keskustelu ihmisen ja eläimen välillä. Mieti ensin tilanne, keskustelijat ja heidän suhteensa toisiinsa sekä keskustelun sävy.

Nöyryytys

Nuori tiibetiläinen munkki oli meditoimassa vuorilla. Hän ei pystynyt keskittymään opettajansa antamaan aiheeseen. Munkki huokaili syvään vaivautuneena. Pian paikalle saapui lumileijona. Hetken munkkia katseltuaan, se tokaisi: ”Et pysty keskittymään, vai kuinka?”

Munkki raotti silmiään, mutta sulki ne uudestaan, teeskennellen ettei nähnyt lumileijonaa.

”Etkö ihmettele puhekykyäni? Saanen kysyä, kuinka moneen puhuvaan leijonaan olet viime aikoina törmännyt? Älä vastaa, tiedän olevani ainutlaatuinen”

Munkki ei hievahtanutkaan.

”Kai sinä tiedät, että tuosta ei ole sinulle mitään hyötyä? Olisi kohteliasta vastata”.

Turhautuneena munkki avasi silmänsä ja tokaisi äkäisenä: ”Kai sinä näet, että yritän meditoida? Jätä minut rauhaan”.

Lumileijona naurahti. ”Sinä tiedät itsekin, että tuo ei tuota tulosta. Joten miksi et juttelisi kanssani?”

Hetken mietittyään munkki vastasi: ”Jätä minut nyt vain rauhaan”. Lumileijona ei luovuttanut. Se kaarteli munkin ympärillä.

”Luovuta jo. Et sinä pysty keskittymään”, lumileijona mairitteli.

Nyt munkki alkoi jo suuttua. ”Hyvä on! Mitä sinä oikein haluat?”

”Älä suutu, se ei ole sopivaa sinun kaltaisellesi oppineelle”. Lumileijona virnisti hiukan omahyväisesti, ja munkki tuhahti.

”Se ei ole sinun ongelmasi. Kerro nyt vain asiasi, niin saan jatkaa harjoitustani”.

Lumileijona pysyi sitkeästi kannallaan.

”Eihän se minun ongelmani toki ole, mutta se on ongelma sinulle. Kai sinä sen nyt tiedät?”

”Tiedän! Voi perkele, jos minulla olisi ase, ampuisin sinulta aivot pihalle!”

Lumileijonan ilme ei värähtänytkään. Sen silmissä oli pieni tiedon pilke.

”Sinä et sovellu munkiksi”, lumileijona tokaisi.

”Se ei ole sinun ongelmasi”.

”Mene takaisin luostariisi”.

”Mene itse”, munkki ärähti.

Lumileijona ei suostunut luovuttamaan. Se jatkoi sitkeästi taistoaan.

”Et edes tiedä vielä asiaani”

”No kerro sitten!” munkki huusi.

”Olen sinun jälleensyntynyt opettajasi. Etkö muka tunnista minua?”

Munkki häkeltyi. Nöyryytettynä hän palasi luostariinsa.

Tehtävänanto:

Eräs ystäväsi soittaa sinulle, ja sanoo:"Et usko, mitä täällä tapahtuu. Tule nopeasti tänne!" Klik. Yhtäkkiä hän ei olekaan enää puhelimessa. Tulet uteliaaksi ja lähdet hänen asunnolleen. Kirjoita siitä, mitä sitten tapahtui. Muista otsikko.

EPÄVARMA

Janinan ääni värisi kauhusta. Siinä oli sävähdys epätoivoa. No enhän minä usko. Juoksen eteiseen, vedän takin niskaani ja juoksen ulos kylmään syysilmaan. Janina ei asu kaukana. Seuraavassa korttelissa. Juoksen koko matkan. Hengitykseni höyryää pieninä pilvinä.

Saavun Janinan talolle. Jokin on vinossa. Ikkunat ammottavat pimeinä. Epäröin hetken. Kai Janina on kotona, eihän hän kertonut mitään tarkemmin. Kävelen hitaasti pihatietä pitkin etuovelle. Vedän syvää henkeä, ja olen koputtamaisillani ovelle, kun huomaan sen olevan raollaan. Saranat narisevat tuulen heiteltävänä. Sydämeni jättää lyönnin välistä. Tämä ei ole hyvä merkki. Ei laisinkaan.

Olen aikeissa kääntyä ympäri, kun kuulen kimeää kiljuntaa. Ei, ei, ei, ei, ei! Ei se voi olla mahdollista. Minä en tiedä mitä tehdä. Jalkani steppaavat hetken paikoillaan, mutta päätän juosta pois. Kauas pois. Adrenaliini virtaa suonissani, kun pelon täyttämänä ryntään pihatietä pitkin pois. Laatoitusten välissä on pieni kolo, johon kompastun. Kaadun jysähtäen maahan. Vilkaisen olkani yli ovelle. Nyt se on enemmän auki kuin aiemmin. Raosta kurkistaa silmäpari. Mutta ei, se ei ole Janina. Silmien iirikset ovat mustat, ja punaiset verisuonet erottuvat kauas. Silmistä huokuu mielipuolisuus.

En epäröi hetkeäkään. Nousen ylös ja juoksen. Juoksen tietä pitkin kohti kaupunkia. Juoksen, kunnes hengittäminen riipii keuhkojani. Joudun pysähtymään. Pienen lepotauon siivellä päätän soittaa isälleni. Kaivan puhelimen taskustani, ja etsin isän numeron. Puhelin tuuttaa. Ei vastausta. Kokeilen uudestaan. Kukaan ei vastaa. Päätän soittaa äidilleni. Hän on kotona, muttei siltikään vastaa. Olen paniikissa. Sydämeni jyskyttää kuin viimeistä päivää. Hengitykseni on epätasaista. Kyyneleet valuvat poskiani pitkin. Ne lämmittävät pakkasesta jäätyneitä poskiani.

Ehkä olisi parasta mennä kotiin. Käännyn ympäri, ja siinä hän on. Ehkä viisissäkymmenissä oleva mies. Silmät täynnä hulluutta. Mielipuolinen hymy ulottuu korvasta korvaan. Miehen mustat hiukset on hyvin huolitellut. Kädessään hän riiputtaa hirttosilmukkaa, ja toisessa on keittiöveitsi. Veitsi on veren peitossa. Veri ei ole vielä hyytynyt.

Olen jähmettynyt kauhusta. En pysty tekemään mitään. Jaloistani häviää tunto, ja rojahdan maahan. Mies ottaa askelen lähemmäs, yhä mielipuolisesti hymyillen. Hän arvioi, olisiko minut helpompi puukottaa, vaiko kuristaa. Olemme hiljaisella tiellä. Vaahteroiden lehdet pudonneet ja peittäneet märän asfaltin keltaisen peittonsa alle.

Tiedän sen tapahtuvan nyt. En katso enää miestä. Käännän katseeni taivaalla viruvaan puolikuuhun. On kirkas päivä, mutta kuu pysyy itsepintaisesti taivaalla. Suljen silmäni. Tiedän miehen kohottavan puukkonsa. Muutama vesipisara tipahtaa kasvoilleni.

Pidätän hengitystäni. Jännitän kaikki lihakseni odottaen kuolemaa. Tilanne menee ohi. Puukon tappava isku ei tulekaan. Kuulen loittonevia juoksuaskelia. Mies pakenee. Olen elossa.

-Emmi